Auditions – The Admirable Crichton

Crichton [M, 25-45]
The perfect butler; a dignified servant whose always perfect poise and reserve hides his great mind and boundless creativity. He’s resourceful and extremely capable, a calm port in any storm, and anyone (except him) will tell you he’s really quite a man – but he’s a man who knows his place, and wants everyone else to know theirs too.

Lord Loam [M, 45-65]
A widower, a philanthropist, and a peer of progressive ideas, this lord of the manor’s not afraid to interfere in the domestic concerns of his house, and set a cat amongst the pigeons servant-wise, for he believes in that most destructive and dangerous concept of all for one of his class: equality. Sadly, he doesn’t realise how poorly he’d fare without his privilege: a negative experience is likely to try him, and a truly witty remark or a difficult situation is likely to befuddle him utterly.

Lady Mary [F, 20-35]
The eldest daughter of Lord Loam, Mary is delicate and elegant, and possesses a natural hauteur which is at once the fury and envy of her sisters. If she chooses she can make you seem so insignificant that you feel you might be swept away with a crumb brush. Don’t be fooled though, she may look like she’d blow away in the next breeze, but her natural abilities, cool intellect, and magnificent heart are not so easily diminished: one feels she might one day take a cricket bat to that glass ceiling and follow her father into the House of Lords.

Ladies Agatha & Catherine [F, 18-30]
The younger daughters of Lord Loam, Catherine and Agatha are very fun-loving and fashionable young women indeed: they might wake up for a dance, but alas they’re quite lazy – Catherine being the lazier by a couple of years. They lack the fire of their elder sister, and frankly don’t much see the point in fire anyway, though if you tried taking away their pretty things, it may just spark something for them. 

Ernest Woolly [M, 20-35]
A suitor to Agatha, Ernest is a true chap about town, a jolly toff without a care in the world – until he has, of course, but even then he deals with them with a cheerful sangfroid, having that easy confidence that comes with money. Probably Ernest’s great moment is when he wakes of a morning and realises that he really is Ernest, for we must all wish to be that which is our ideal. He’s a lad with the shrewdness to float with the current, if only he didn’t splash about so much. 

Mr Treherne [M, 25-40]
A suitor to Catherine, a pleasant and athletic clergyman, easy-going, humble, and rather agreeable, he rarely stands up or puts himself forward for anything – except perhaps a game of cricket. He’ll tell you himself that’s really all he’s good for.

Tweeny [F, 18-30]
A mousy kitchen maid; her low-class accent and manners are wanting, but she’ll try her best for Mr Crichton. He’s so far above her, but she’d do anything at all for him if only he’d cast a grateful look in her direction. She may be so wet behind the ears she’s practically dripping, but underneath her nervousness and subservience is pure steel just waiting for a good polish.

Lord Brocklehurst [M, 25-40]
A suitor to Lady Mary, Brocklehurst is nothing save for his rank. You could pick him up by the handful any day in Piccadilly or Holborn, buying socks – or selling them. He may or may not have a moustache, but I assure you, if he does, he spends a great deal of time grooming it.

Lady Brocklehurst [F, 45-65]
Mother to Lord Brocklehurst, this widow is as formidable and supercilious as any widow that has come before – but she’s not without a touch of humour, or even (dare I say it) whimsy. She is every inch for propriety, hierarchy, and empire; and would go to great lengths to secure the latter for her son, as long as it didn’t come at the cost of either of the former.